Quality of Life No. 2 – The Endless Upgrade

Just over a week ago came news of the “WannaCry” ransomware attack around the world, one of the victims being the cash-strapped NHS and – indirectly – a great many patients, some with very serious conditions, whose consultations had to be postponed. It would seem only fair that the perpetrators of this attack, if caught, should be donated to urology or proctology departments for novice medical students to sharpen their skills upon.

Much has been made of the NHS’s failure to upgrade its software, despite warnings. Funny how the victim is so often to blame, isn’t it. 

The blame for the consequences of this mindless criminal act lies not with the NHS. It lies solely with the hackers. However, much responsibility also lies with Microsoft and other arrogant corporations – primarily American - who over the years have bullied much of the world’s population into believing that they should have to waste valuable time and money on purchasing and installing endless “upgrades” to software and hardware. Some people apparently like to do this and boast that they have the latest whatever. I’m not one of those people; I just want to get on with what I’m doing, thank you very much. Yes, I know the arguments about increased speed, capacity and functionality, about the need to maintain security (ha !), but there is another way of looking at this.

Computer facilities are now an essential utility along with electricity and gas, water and sewerage. We expect to use these services without being personally responsible for their upkeep, and constantly inconvenienced into the bargain. No, you can’t go for a poo just now, the toilet needs to install an upgrade first, a pimply oik in California says so. The NHS, along with other organisations and ordinary people, are far too short of money and far too busy to have to bother with frequent upheavals to their work in order to accommodate the imperious demands of nerdy billionaires five thousand miles away. 

With a general election looming it would be nice to think that at least one of the political parties would propose a British initiative to render internet access stable, safe, protected from nuisances, and better designed. Yes, I know it’s easier said than done, but responsible government really ought to get a grip on such an essential service. Around a decade ago the internet was getting quite good, and one could see the fulfilment of Tim Berners-Lee’s dream; much of it has deteriorated steadily ever since, usability and familiarity for the many sacrificed to constant change, advertising, snooping, and ill-judged intrusion in the interests of the profits and dubious social engineering ambitions of the few. And incidentally, when I’m looking up a train to Sheffield on the National Rail Enquiries site it doesn’t mean that I want to install Google Chrome first. And when I’m looking for a hotel in Venice I don’t need flights to Dubrovnik. Do keep up; that was last year. 

Indeed, last year, for many months I was irritated by incessant demands from Microsoft that I should “upgrade” from Windows 7 to Windows 10 (we sometimes forget how imbecilic such names are), before – like so many – being trapped into doing so by their unethical trick of making the “go away” symbol suddenly mean “install”. Having had this inelegant piece of design-free rubbish thrust upon me against my better judgement, towards the end of the year I had my computer buggered up for the best part of a day by a Windows 10 upgrade that didn’t work. Fortunately, a software-savvy neighbour was able to rescue the situation, but the upgrade never installed properly. At approximately monthly intervals it tries again, but never succeeds, just going into terminal re-boot mode instead, an endless revolving symbol of despair. It happened again this morning. Last week someone told me that he left his computer running for 2½ days and this dollop of unwanted garbage actually installed. I had no idea he was such an optimist or that electricity could travel so slowly. Is this progress?

Like most people I have to use the internet, and I have to use a computer. But I no longer enjoy it like I used to; it does nothing for my quality of life and everything for elevating my stress levels. Thank you Microsoft, Google, Yahoo, et al – it’s all your doing.

Recently there was a cartoon in “Private Eye” showing a man at a screen on which three options were presented - in essence: “Install now”, “Remind me later”, and “Fuck off”. If only.